Pen Pals for Older Adults: Letters as a Shared Activity

A letter is a good shared activity because it moves at the pace of the person writing it. There is no need to answer quickly. A card can be read twice, shown to a visitor, and kept in a drawer. This page covers who to write to, how to find a pen pal program safely, what to send when words are hard, and how a helper can support the writing.

Why are letters a good fit?

Letters let a person take part in their own time. Choosing paper and a stamp, writing one line, and posting it are small, real tasks with a clear end. The Alzheimer’s Association’s activities guide advises keeping activities simple and focusing on the process rather than the result, and a letter fits that advice well. The writing does not need to be long to matter.

Who could be a pen pal?

• A grandchild or great-grandchild, especially one who is learning to write.
• An old friend or former colleague, someone the person already knows.
• A class at a local school. Ask the teacher whether the class can set up a letter exchange.
• A neighbor, who would enjoy a short note across the street or down the hall.
• A faith community or club the person belonged to in the past.

Letters to family are the simplest start, because the person already knows who will read them.

How do you find a program safely?

Choose a program run by an organization you can check: a school, library, faith community, senior center or care home. Before you join, ask:

• Who runs the program, and can you reach them by phone at a published number?
• Are the people who write letters screened or supervised by staff?
• Is there a staff member you can contact if something feels wrong?

Do not use a stranger who contacts you online and asks for an address, photos or money. Pick a program and stay with it. Organized programs have people you can call.

What are the safety rules?

• Never share bank details, card numbers or passwords in a letter.
• Never send money, gift cards or checks to a pen pal, even for a story that sounds urgent.
• Keep the home address private. Use the program’s mailbox or the organization’s address if one is offered.
• The person decides what to share. A first name and a town are often enough.
• Keep the letters for a while, and tell a family member about anything that worries you.
• Report anything suspicious to the program. If money has been involved, contact your bank.

What can you send when words are hard?

A letter does not need many words. Try:

• A drawing or painting, with one line underneath, such as “This is our garden in June.”
• A pressed flower or leaf. The Press leaves and flowers card explains how to press them in a heavy book.
• A photo with one line. Choose a picture the person likes, and write the caption together.
• A card made together. The Make a greeting card card covers a folded card, a few pictures and a short message.
• A small collage of photos. The Make a memory collage card makes a page that fits in an envelope.

Read any letter you receive aloud, and let the person dictate a reply.

How can a helper support the writing?

Sit side by side and ask open questions: “What would you like to tell her?” Write down exactly the words the person says, even if they are short or repeated. Read the letter back once, and ask whether to change anything. The communication tips guide has more on asking open questions. Let the person sign it with their own name or a mark.

Some families make the letter part of a regular write a letter together session on a weekday afternoon. Phone and video calls can be a good addition too, and the phone and video calls guide explains how to set them up. The NHS activities page lists video calls among activities many people can keep enjoying, and that is a useful reminder that a letter is not the only way to stay in touch.